


The Pool

by The_night_max



Series: The Pool [1]
Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: HIMYM - Freeform, How I Met Your Mother - Freeform, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:04:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7651081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_night_max/pseuds/The_night_max
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>NYC is in the middl of a heatwave and the gang decide to head to the pool. Turns out Barney needs swimming lessons and when Ted offers to teach him, things get a bit weird. By which I mean sexy. </p>
<p>More chapters to come on this; it's all written but being worked on. It's a bit relationshippy/schmoopy/cute, with a teeny weeny bit of angst. Very low-level angst. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I originally wrote this back in 2012 and posted it on LiveJournal back then. I've updated it a bit, but most of it is accurate/spoilery up to about whatever season we were on in 2012. It's never been betad, so any feedback/criticism is welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

Kids, in the summer of 2012, New York City was in the middle of a heatwave. It was so hot tarmac melted, planes couldn't take off, and walking anywhere outdoors felt like doing a Bikram yoga session. Even going to the bar wasn't that appealing - by the time we'd got beers to the booth, they were warm. So, Lily suggested hitting the pool. The only problem was, we were pretty sure everyone else would have had the same idea and even though it was unbearably hot, nobody fancied sharing a pool with 500 screaming seven-year-olds...

"Hey Barney, doesn't your building have a pool?" Marshall asks. He's taking his turn resting his face inside the top shelf of the fridge.  
"Uh... no. I don't think so. Hey, why don’t we just put a paddling pool on the roof again? That was fun, right?"  
"Are you sure your building doesn't have one? You said something the other week about 'doing twins' in the pool at your building..."  
Barney avoids Marshall's gaze and squirms slightly. "Oh. That pool. Yeah. Um... It closed."  
"What?"  
"It burnt down." He sounds like he's panicking now.  
Marshall is incredulous. "It bur... a pool... Barney, what's going on? Why don't you want us to go to your pool?"  
Barney laughs unconvincingly. "What? Marshall, where did you get that idea. That's crazy. So the paddling pool on the roof...Who's with me?"  
Marshall is irritated by now. "No! Barney, stop being weird. We're going to your pool."  
Only Ted notices it, but Barney looks genuinely worried. But he sighs almost imperceptibly. "Fine, let's go."

An hour later, they're all in the water and after weeks of the city's thick, suffocating, greasy heat, it feels incredible. Nobody can actually be bothered to expend any energy on swimming, but there's a bar right by the pool, so they're all just lounging in the water and sipping cocktails. All except Barney, who is sweating alone on a sunlounger. Ted can tell from the frown lines on his forehead that something is bothering him, so even though it pains him to leave the beautifully soothing water behind, he goes over to the blonde. When he gets closer, he can also see the tension across Barney's shoulders. He's sunbathing in just his swim shorts - even Barney can't wear a suit in this - but he's still bathed in sweat.

"Hey buddy. What's up? Why aren't you coming in?" Ted perches on the side of Barney's lounger.  
"I'm working on my tan. I'm fine. It's not that hot."  
"Dude... it's 36 degrees. Why are you being so weird about coming in the pool?"  
Barney looks even more tense. "I'm not being weird. I just don't feel like it. I don't like pools."  
"What? How can you not li... Wait... Barney, you can swim, right?"  
Barney does his unconvincing laugh again. "Ted! Of course I can swim. I love swimming. In fact, I'm a master of the breaststroke. Whattup!" He recovers slightly and holds up his hand for a high five.   
Ted doesn't hit it. He's suddenly realised the truth. "Dude, you can't swim!"  
"Shh! Ted, shuttup. Ok, fine. I can't swim. Nobody ever taught me, ok? Do NOT tell anyone or we are no longer best friends, promise me."  
"Well actually Marshall is m-"  
"Ted! Promise me!"  
Ted can tell Barney's serious and he actually looks quite upset about this. He puts a hand on Barney's shoulder placatingly. His skin is hot from the sun and Ted momentarily thinks how soft it is, then stops thinking that, because it's weird.   
"Ok, ok. I promise. But only if you promise me something. Let me teach you to swim."  
Barney keep his composure in his face as usual, but in his eyes, there's a mixture of fear and gratitude. He gives Ted a small nod and swallows slightly too hard.  
"Cool. Whatever. If you really want to."

So that's how they end up by the side of Barney's pool later that night. The bar is closed and they're the only ones there. It's dark, but the underwater lights are on. It's still stickily, swelteringly hot and the water looks more inviting to Ted than ever. Barney is standing at the side, arms wrapped protectively round himself, looking at the water mistrustfully. He's wearing a tiny pair of black speedos and Ted takes in how snug they are over his hips and the toned V of his stomach muscles. He has a lightly defined six-pack and pecs and he's golden brown all over. The swell over the front of his shorts is - wait, why is Ted thinking about this? It's weird. No, scratch that, it's really weird. Ted has no idea why it's happening, but now he feels awkward, particularly about the fact he's now going to have to be in the water with his almost naked friend who he's just been having really weird thoughts about. 

Ted tries to forget about his moment of weirdness and coaxes Barney into the water up to his waist. He definitely isn't thinking about the way the movement of the water and the lights underneath are making little ripples of reflection over the taut planes of his friend's stomach. Nor is he thinking about how Barney is trying to cover up how scared he is and has set his mouth in a tight line, and how it looks kind of adorably vulnerable. He’s absolutely not thinking about how everything about this – water-slick skin, thick sultry air, the peace on the rooftop that makes it feel like he and Barney are completely alone – makes his breath catch and his blood race. 

"Ok," says Ted. "How much do you know? Can you at least doggy paddle?"  
He can't. Which means it's back to complete basics. Ted realises that actually, despite his offer, he's not sure how to teach someone to swim. Sure, he can do it himself, but he's been doing it so long it just feels automatic.  
"Um... ok. Right. Try holding onto the side of the pool with your hands and kicking your legs to start with."   
After a few minutes, Barney has the leg work down. And he's ok about putting his face in the water. So Ted decides it's time to practise what to do with his arms. Now, the other way round - kicking - was easy. But you can't exactly hold onto the side of the pool with your feet. Ted can only see one way round this.  
"Ok. I, uh, I'm gonna hold you up in the water now, so you can try out your arms. Ok?"  
Ted swears there's a glint in Barney's eye when he smiles at him. "Sure. Shall I hop on?"  
"Uh, I guess." Ted swallows. He's having to ignore weird thoughts again. God, why is this happening? Maybe he's just horny? It's been a while since he did, well, anything. With anyone. 

But he doesn't have much time to think about the reasons for their weirdness, because moments later, he's holding Barney under his stomach while he (slightly clumsily) rakes his arms through the water. His abs are hard under Ted's fingers but he feels oddly weightless in the water. Ted's stomach contracts as his hand shifts lower on Barney's body, grazing the edge of the waistband of his speedos. And suddenly, he can no longer ignore the fact he's really turned on. The feeling isn't just in Ted's dick, it's through his whole lower body, thighs and stomach drawn tight. His shorts have got uncomfortably tight and he's terrified that Barney will accidentally brush against him in the water and realise what's happening. He shouldn't think about Barney brushing against him. That's not going to help the situation at all. It dawns on him that Barney is saying something, and has squirmed out of his arms to stand in the pool.  
"I said, do they really put that pink dye in the pool, or is it a myth?"  
"Uh... It's a myth. Why?"  
Barney grins mischievously. "No reason."  
Ted is appalled. "Oh my god! Barney! Did you?... while I'm right here?"  
Barney genuinely laughs for the first time all day. "Of course not you douche. I was just trying to get your attention. You seem distracted."  
Ted blushes. Can Barney read his thoughts? No. That's stupid. Of course he can't.  
"No. Not distracted. You were just splashing really loudly."  
A doubting look flits briefly across Barney's features. "Ok. Well, since the lessons are going so well, do you want a drink?"  
"Dude, the bar's closed."  
Barney pulls his familiar eyebrow-raising mischievous face, hops out of the pool and grabs a key off a table. "Not when you have a bar guy and the bar guy owes you a favour it's not”.

An hour later, they're both drunk. More than drunk. Into that area where bad decisions seem like good ones and terrible decisions seem like amazing ones. They're in the pool next to each other, arms resting on the side and nursing drinks. The weird thoughts still keep coming for Ted. Like now. The muscles in Barney's shoulders are tense as he rests his weight on his forearms. His hair is damp and his teeth are white. He smells of chlorine and cologne and sun-on-skin and in the blue-ish pool glow his body is all unlit hollows that Ted wants to run his fingertips and his tongue into and, Jesus, he really has to stop this. He should just go home and jerk off to normal straight porn full of women, because this is getting out of hand and, OK, Is it Ted's imagination, or is Barney edging closer?

Another half hour later and they've reached the point where they're too drunk for anything they do to even be classed as making a decision. They're definitely too drunk to be in a pool. Ted definitely thought the weird feelings would have gone away by now. But a moment ago, Barney's thigh rubbed his and he felt his shorts tighten all over again. A few moments before that, Barney had leaned in close to say something, and the feeling of his breath on Ted's neck had raised goosebumps. He realises that Barney is closer than ever. Ted can't help it, his heart starts to beat faster and his throat is suddenly dry.

"Ted, don't pools make you feel kinda sexy?" Barney's face is right next to his now and Ted swears he has the look in his eyes that he normally gets when he's realised his latest play is going to work.  
"Uh... I dunno." He swallows hard. "I guess."  
"Yeah. Me too." Barney smiles and, oh god, in a rush of clarity Ted sees this moment through the eyes of every girl Barney ever tricked and manipulated into banging him. He’d do anything Barney asked right now if it meant the two of them pressed together in sweaty, writhing, sticky heat.  
“Ted,” his voice is low and soft “what would you do right now if I kissed you?”  
Ted breathes out shakily, Barney is so close, it’s so intimate, that it feels like moving into a kiss would be nothing. Not when they’re already breathing each other’s air.  
“That would be good” he says, almost whispers, and it feels like giving in, like taking what he wants and like throwing himself irrevocably under the wheels of a bus Barney is the driver of.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney and Ted get some alone time in the pool and it gets super sexy. Mostly cuteness, with a bit of nervousness. I've also aimed for hot, but I'm not sure if I achieved hotness or insane levels of cringing. Again, nobody else has read this, so criticise or suggest away.

After a second, in which Ted feels like he lives out every way this could go wrong, Barney closes the distance between them. His hand is on the back of Ted's neck and he presses himself into Ted's body as he kisses him, manipulating him so that they're facing each other. Their hips are together and Ted realises he's not the only one whose swim shorts are tight; Barney is hard, and gently grinding his erection against Ted’s. They're both breathing a little faster and shallower. Barney's hand has moved up and his fingertips are firmly working their way up Ted's skull, raking through his hair. Even though it's hot, he shivers. 

Barney is, as ever, smooth shaven and his skin is soft too. He pulls Ted in tighter, wrapping one arm firmly around his back. The kiss gets rougher, more desperate, deeper. Barney’s tongue is in his mouth and they’re taking the same fast, rough breaths. It's frantic and hot and one of Barney's knees goes between Ted's legs, nudging them apart so that he can slot inbetween. Barney's arms are locked behind Ted's head now and his are on Barney's ass, gripping it. Ted is pushed up against the side of the pool, and he barely feels the rough concrete edge against his back. He doesn't care about it being weird any more, because this is the most turned on he's ever been. He's so hard he aches. They've been kissing for Ted has no idea how long, but long enough for his mouth to feel numb, when Barney pulls away slightly.

"Ted, we're not making a bad decision are we?"

Ted thinks they probably are. He thinks it's probably a terrible decision. He doesn't know what happens next, or how they can go back to being friends, or if he even wants them to go back to being just friends. Hell, if they are going to do this, he doesn't even know how they do the next bit. He suspects Barney does and isn’t sure whether he wants to be right about that or not.

He shakes his head and kisses Barney softly, full on the mouth. No tongue. 

"Definitely not."

Barney smiles sexily and kisses Ted back. Not softly. Not without tongues. He moves his hands down from Ted's neck, pressing on the small of his back, then slipping them under his shorts, so that they're on bare skin. Ted isn't totally sure what to do with his hands, this is all so new. Barney has stopped kissing him, leaving his lips feeling bruised and hot. Instead, his mouth is on Ted's neck, biting almost hard enough to hurt on the delicate skin behind his earlobe. They're still in the water up to their waists, and it's impossible to tell if their slick upper bodies are wet with sweat or pool water. They're both breathing hard and fast, grinding hips together. 

Ted may have just told Barney he doesn't think this is a bad idea and he may be so turned on he's convinced he will come right there if Barney so much as rubs the front of his shorts, but he's still scared. He's always thought of himself as a straight dude. He's always thought of Barney as his bro. 

Well. Sort of. If he's honest with himself, there have been moments he's questioned his feelings; like the first time they met at the urinal in McLarens. When Barney, a stranger, had started talking to him, his first thought had been: 'this dude is trying to pick me up'. Rather than feeling nervous, or amused or just disinterested, Ted had wondered what it would be like to go through with it. Just for a second, he'd pictured Barney ripping down his pants and fucking him in the toilet cubicle, then going back out to his friends like nothing had happened. Part of him had been almost disappointed when it turned out Barney had just wanted to teach him how to pick up girls.

There had been other things. The time after a night in the bar when Barney crashed at Ted’s and, as he had done countless other times, shared Ted’s bed. Barney had fallen asleep - or maybe just passed out - and Ted hadn't been able to stop himself curling into his bro's back and wrapping an arm round him, an insistent voice inside saying that it was just fine because if Barney woke up he could totally pretend he’d just sleep-spooned. 

There were the times when Barney got peppermint schnapps drunk and kissed Ted on the lips for just a half second and, god, Ted just wanted to carry it on. When he realised it was only peppermint schnapps which achieved the Richard-Dawson-drunk effect, he started permanently keeping a bottle in the freezer, telling Marshall and Lily, as well as himself that it was there because it was a good cocktail mixer. He pretended not to hear when Lily said she’d gone off peppermint schnapps after Barney drank four shots and mouth kissed her at the Christmas party.

There was also that time they were goofing about wrestling and while Ted had Barney sitting on his chest and pinning his wrists, he suddenly had the awful realisation that he was turned on. Strengthened by panicked adrenaline he’d lurched hard enough to tip Barney off and sprinted for the bathroom, mumbling that he had to pee. 

He'd found excuses for all these things: he was drunk and lonely and cuddling is nice with anyone; he was drunk and lonely and pepperminty kissing on the lips is nice with anyone; he was drunk and lonely and….ok, maybe the wrestling was a little different, but getting turned on was just a natural response to the weight of another human on top of him, straddling him, pinning him; hot where their bodies pressed together. Probably.

Really though, Ted knew even at the time that he'd been making excuses. But being here, like this, with Barney, brought it all into sharp relief. He was kissing a dude. Not just a dude. His friend. His bro. Barney, for Christ's sake. And not just kissing, actually. Kissing, stroking, licking, grinding, panting.

But then Barney tugged down both their shorts and it got harder to focus on any feelings of confusion or weirdness. Being naked, pressed together under the water was electric. Ted was breathing deeply, breath catching, pulse thudding in his neck, hands trembling with adrenaline.

"Ted?"  
"Uh huh?"  
"Shall we get out of the pool? We could, um... go somewhere else."  
"OK." 

Ted would agree to anything right now. He lets Barney guide him out of the pool. There's an awkward moment when they're out of the water, standing by the side, suddenly feeling a little exposed - although they're both wearing their shorts again. 

"Do you want another drink Ted?"  
"Yeah, I guess."  
"I have scotch in my apartment."  
Ted swallows, a perfect storm of nerves, lust and excitement. "OK."

Barney wraps his arms around him and kisses him again, briefly, tugging at Ted's bottom lip with his teeth, making his stomach flip and his dick twitch. Then he takes Ted's hand - his grip is gentler than Ted would have expected - and they head down the stairs. In Barney's apartment, he hands Ted a scotch on ice. It's cold and sluggish and peaty in Ted's throat. When Barney kisses him again, his mouth tastes like the drink. Very gently, Barney hooks his fingers into Ted's shorts and slips them down. Not quite as gracefully, Ted takes Barney's speedos down. For the first time, he gets a look at Barney naked. He's bigger than he'd have expected. He doesn't have a tan line, instead he's a uniform golden brown and he's perfectly groomed. Barney closes every last bit of space between them, runs his hands over Ted’s butt cheeks and grips hard, digging in his nails. 

Every exposed inch of his skin is charged, alert; over-sensitive so that he’s practically shivering just from being touched. Barney is the one in control here and he seems to know Ted needs to be led through this. He moves slowly, letting Ted relax into what’s happening. He kisses and lightly licks the length of Ted’s torso, but stops short of going down on him with an innate understanding that it’s too soon. However, he does lick his own palm and finally, firmly close it round Ted’s dick. Ted lets out a shaky breath that turns into an involuntary ‘oh fuck’, as Barney rolls his fingers up and down, slipping a forefinger deep between his balls, tracing tiny breath-catching circles with the pad of his finger on the taut ridge of skin which is only a slightly bolder stroke away from being Ted’s asshole. He wants to touch Barney, feel the hot, silky shape of him under his fingers; he wants to make Barney moan and squirm, but he’s terrified he’ll get it wrong. Apparently it’s painfully obvious, because Barney pulls back for a second, moving his hands reassuringly onto Ted’s hips.

“Ted, it’s ok. You… have one yourself. Don’t overthink it. Believe me, you can’t get touching me wrong. The fact it’s you, and this is happening… that’s everything”

It’s ok after that and it’s only seconds before they’re down on the bed, Ted on top, both stroking each other slick and firm and fast. Barney is trembling and wet with sweat underneath him, making a sound that is almost a whimper and it’s too much that Ted is the one doing this to him. He feels the telling pulse of Barney’s dick beneath his fist and knowing that he’s close is so overwhelmingly, powerfully hot that…

“Oh fuck, Barney, I’m coming” 

He comes over Barney’s stomach and chest and hand and it’s only a half second after it lands hot on his skin that Barney is coming too, over himself and over Ted’s fingers, definitely whimpering now.

After a few minutes of lying silent, but for deep, rapid breaths, Barney leans over to kiss Ted sweatily on his neck before getting up to clean himself off. He passes Ted some tissues to do the same and is back just after Ted is finished with two new glasses of scotch. 

They sit together, backs to the headboard, Barney leaning lightly against Ted, whose heart dips at the fact that it’s Barney instigating the cuddling.

"Ted?"  
"Mmhmm?"  
Barney hesitates. Ted feels him tense slightly.   
"I can swim."  
"Well... you made good progress. I wouldn't say you can sw-"  
"-No, Ted. I can swim. I was on my school swim team."  
"So... this was a play?"  
"Kinda."  
Ted can't believe he got taken in. He is also instantly gripped by an unwelcome fear. "Does this mean you're never going to call me again?"  
Barney turns to face Ted. He looks hurt and a little intense. He takes Ted’s face in his hands, and he presses their lips together in a gentle kiss.  
"I could never stop calling you, you're my best friend."

There's a pause where Ted would normally point out Marshall is his best friend. He doesn't. He holds Barney closer and returns the kiss.


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after anxiety for Ted and an awkward convo with Robin. Not much else in this one, I guess I really rambled on...

It's the morning after. Ted wakes up with a dry mouth and that feeling of back-of-the-mind and pit-of-the-stomach shame and anxiety that follows a night where you get drunk enough to be honest with yourself and everyone else. He feels queasy and wooly-headed and - Uh oh...

He bolts out of bed - Barney's bed, leaving Barney sleeping - runs to the bathroom - Barney's bathroom - and throws up. He's using Barney's mouthwash and supporting himself against the sink when Barney walks in. Ted feels himself flush and hates himself for it.

"You ok?" Barney looks sympathetic, but amused.  
"Yeah. I guess. I broke my streak though...Not so vomit-free since ‘93"  
"Your streak wasn't that good anyway." Barney smiles that winning smile at Ted in the mirror.

Ted melts. Flashes of the previous night come back to him - Barney licking all way down his torso; Barney’s bare skin pressed hot against his; Barney afterwards, tracing his fingers over Ted’s chest and stomach, kissing softly over his neck, collar bone, mouth. He wills himself not to go hard again, it feels like crossing a line now it's daylight and they're both sober. He really doesn't know where they go from here, and he feels awkward. Barney definitely isn't just his friend any more, but he's got no idea what he is. Or what he wants. Or what Barney wants. He suddenly feels like he could cry.

"Do you want a coffee?" It's the first time Barney has ever offered to make him a drink. Ted wonders if he even knows how to make coffee.  
"Do you know how to make it?"  
"I don't even know if I have a coffee maker."

He does have a coffee maker, but he’s trying to make it work by shouting ‘coffee’ at it and holding what appears to be a cereal bowl under its shinily unused chrome nozzle. Ted takes over – filling the machine with the unopened caffetiere coffee he finds in Barney’s fridge and replacing the bowls with cups. There’s no milk or sugar and Ted is wondering how Barney lives like this and panicking about what's going to happen, when Barney comes up behind him and wraps his arms around him. There's none of the urgency, heat and excitement of the previous night. It's reassuring and gentle and maybe a little needy and it feels weirder and more intimate than anything they've done up to now. Barney softly nuzzles the base of his neck and kisses him. Ted remembers Barney coming, remembers how overwhelmingly, consumingly turned on he was, how he’d wants to make Barney come again; make him come in his mouth; come inside him, and he feels himself blush. Barney squeezes him slightly.

"Ted, what do we do now?" Ted can hear the uncertainty and nerves in Barney's voice. He's grateful to him for bringing this up. Involuntarily, he tenses his shoulders and sighs.  
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"  
"I don't know. I've thought about this happening, like, a thousand times, but I never got past the first part."

Ted lets that sink in. Barney is still holding him from behind. He wants to turn so they're facing each other, but he's too worried about having throw-up breath. What he does know is that he doesn't want this to be a one off, something that they awkwardly avoid talking about, which spoils their friendship but doesn't lead to anything else. But he isn't ready to think about being Barney's boyfriend. 24 hours ago he was still straight.

Ted speaks first. "I definitely want something. But I feel like I need to take it a step at a time. I... this is... I did stuff with a dude last night. And I liked it. I… really liked it. And the dude was you. I feel like I'm asleep right now and I'm going to wake up and feel turned on yet ashamed. I'm scared, Barney. I feel weird."  
Barney nods. "Me too."

Ted realises this is the most honest Barney's ever been with him and his stomach dips. He wants to ask Barney about his 'I can't swim' play, but he's not ready. The coffee is though, so Ted takes his and hands one to Barney and they both sit at the table. Neither of them really know what to say. They don't want to carry on talking about what's happened, but having a normal conversation would feel impossible right now. They make it through the cup of coffee, before Ted makes his excuses to leave. At Barney's front door, there's another moment when they don't know what to do. It's Barney who takes the lead, leaning in and giving Ted a slightly lingering kiss on the cheek.

"I'd go for the mouth, but you're pretty un-vomit free right now, so..."  
Ted smiles and kisses Barney near his ear. He smells so good, even after a night of the dirtiest kind of sweating.  
"Ted... last light was pretty legendary. I'll call you later, ok?"  
It's definitely ok. Barney closes the door and as he walks away, Ted can't help but breathe out deeply and shakily, running his hands through his hair. He gets a cab home and he desperately wants - needs - to talk to someone about this. It's too much to handle on his own. He gets out his phone and it's almost an automatic reaction to scroll through his contacts and hit dial. The phone is answered on the third ring.

"Hey, it's Ted. I... I have to talk to you about something, can you meet me at the bar in an hour?"

Sixty minutes, one shower and about a gallon of water and toothpaste later, he's sitting in the usual booth. He orders a lemonade and waits quietly. He doesn't even notice Robin has arrived until she slips into the seat opposite him clutching a beer.

"So what's the emergency? No, actually: hangover face, air of shame and dejection, needing to talk something over urgently... You slept with someone you shouldn't have last night."  
Ted smiles weakly and can't meet Robin's eyes.  
"Mosby, you dog! Who is she?"  
"Um... it's a friend."  
"Oh my god! Who?" Robin is excited and loud. Ted is terrified people will overhear. Not that anyone they know is in the bar. Or that he's said anything incriminating.  
"I can't tell you that. It's complicated. I never saw this coming. It... it's something kind of... off limits."  
"Is it Lily?"  
"No! Of course it's not Lily. It's... It's not a girl you know." Technically, that isn't a lie.  
"But you know her?"  
"We know each other well."  
"You like her?"  
"I... Yeah. A lot. And I'm very attracted to, uh, the person. But I haven't thought about us getting together like this, I never thought it was an option. Now it is, I'm overwhelmed."  
"Ted, if you like her and it's on the table, it should be an easy decision."  
"But I've never done this before!" Ted realises he sounds a bit too loud and anxious and whiny. Robin frowns in confusion.  
"It's not that different from anything you've done before... Are you not telling me something? Oh my god, is she married?"  
"No! No, it’s not a married woman" Ted desperately wants to tell her. He puts his head in his hands, rubs them up over his face and through his hair. He looks at Robin, her face a mixture of concern and bemusement. And a bit of irritation. He takes a deep breath and when he speaks his voice is shaky.  
"It's not a girl." He says it so quietly he's not sure Robin will hear, but she does.  
"Is it Barney?" She says it softly and sweetly, letting him know that she might be surprised, but that their getting together isn't something shocking.  
Ted nods, covering his face and feeling tears in his eyes. It really is overwhelming. Robin scoots round to his side of the booth and puts an arm round him.  
"Ted, it's ok."  
He doesn't cry, but he definitely doesn't feel like it's ok.  
"You, uh, you… had a good time?"  
He nods. "It was... It... It felt right. It just feels weird now."  
"Because he's a guy?"  
"Partly, yeah. But it's not just that. I mean, it's Barney. Robin, we all know how Barney treats girls. I don't want to be one of those girls."  
"Ted, you'd never be just a conquest to him. God, he's been trying to get you to call him your best friend since day one. What was he like this morning?"  
Ted thinks of Barney holding him while he made coffee, being the one to brave talking about what had happened, kissing him goodbye and promising to call him.  
"A lot better than I was." He says softly.  
"Well, that's ok. Don't beat yourself up for needing time to get used to this. Just don't beat Barney up for something he hasn't done."  
Ted nods. "I'm gonna call him later. See him, if he wants to - hey... how did you know it was Barney when I said it was a guy?"  
Robin blushes very slightly and smiles. "I kind of had a front row seat that time you guys were, uh, wrestling. Plus, a couple of times, I've caught Barney looking at you. I've never seen him look at anyone that way."  
Hearing that makes Ted's chest tighten in a good way. He catches Robin looking at him and smiling.  
"Aw, Ted! You're adorable. I think I like you better gay."  
"I'm not gay!" Even hearing Robin say it makes him indescribably uncomfortable. "I just... It's just, it’s Barney. Robin, you can't tell anyone. Not yet. Especially not Lily and Marshall."  
Robin promises not to tell a soul. "OK, well, I have to get to work. You know I'm here any time you need to talk about this."  
Ted accepts her hug. Thinks she might regret making that offer.

Back in his apartment, he summons the courage to call Barney, thinking how he's dialed this number countless times before without ever thinking about it. Barney answers.  
"Hey, Barney, it's Ted." His own voice sounds stilted to him.  
"Hey. How's the hangover?" Barney sounds completely normal.  
"It's fine. Hey, are you doing anything tonight? Because I thought, maybe we could, y'know, do something. If you're not doing anything."  
He can practically feel Barney smiling. "I'm not doing anything."  
"Ok, great, so. Great. So, do you want to come here, for, like 7.30?"  
Barney does. It's officially a date. Ted's going on a date with a guy. His best friend. Barney. Something else dawns on him. Lily and Marshall are out, but they'll be home soon. They'll see him getting ready for his date. Then they'll see Barney arrive, and they'll know something is weird, even if they don't work out the truth. He sends Barney a text.

'L & M home soon. Pick U up frm yrs?'  
'Gd thnking. C U soon x'.

Momentarily relieved to have at least avoided one new and unnerving situation. Ted picks up his phone again, booking cars and a restaurant. Because if he's going to take Barney on a gay date, then Goddamn it, it's going to be the best gay date either of them has ever had.


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, in which Barney and Ted go on their date and Ted is angsty and Barney has feelings and appears to be cool with it. There's some sexual content, because obviously. Still no idea if the sex is super awkward, like hearing your parents doing it. If it is, someone do me a solid and stop me writing any more, ta!

Ted is kind of terrified this will all turn out to be a joke and Barney will have recorded everything they've done and put it on his blog. Part of him thinks maybe all this happened because at some point Barney had said ‘challenge accepted’ to a wager nobody had actually offered him.

Despite that, he's booked a nice car to take them to dinner at this awesome bistro, where there's a beer tap right in the table. Not just regular beer either, fancy European beer. Ted has really done his research, and this place with the taps is only a five minute walk from a whiskey bar. He keeps telling himself that he's only chosen these places because they're awesome (and they are) and that it has nothing to do with the fact they're miles away from Maclarens and everywhere else they usually go as a group (it has a lot to do with that). He knows Barney will love the restaurant and the whiskey bar, and he's got champagne for the car ride, which isn't entirely because he's scared of the two of them being sober together. He wants to impress Barney. He wants this to be special. Ted never goes small with romantic gesture and he’s certainly not about to start now.

He feels nervous getting ready; his decisions about what he wears, how he does his hair, where and how much he trims, are all governed by the understanding – no, actually, the hope – that Barney might be seeing him naked later. Seeing him and touching him and… Thinking about the 'and' sends desire curling warm and insistent, gripping deep and low in Ted's gut. It complicates things, though, going into this with the specific hope, expectation even, of something happening between him and Barney. Last night, getting ready to meet Barney at the pool, he’d just put on clothes and left. That easy freedom is lost now, He's not making decisions for himself, he's making them for a version of Barney who's part stranger. He knows what Barney wants from his friends (constant, unquestioning validation), he knows what Barney wants from girls (suggestibility, daddy issues, sex), but he has no idea what Barney wants from a him in this context. By the time he’s ready he’s tired of his own internal monologue and woozy with self-doubt.

Regardless, he pulls up outside Barney's building and feels a wash of relief when he sees Barney waiting. He's wearing the sharpest of three-piece suits and, just like every time he's seen Barney dressed like that before, Ted slightly loses his breath and feels that weird hollow sensation in the space between his stomach and ribcage. It's different this time, because it's ok to feel like that. Sort of. Barney gets into the car and Ted knows the fact he's suited up too has gone down well. Some of his internal terror of not matching up slips away. Barney's smile is soft and sexy and sweet. He kisses Ted in the soft hollow behind his ear and, God, he just smells unbelievable. Something spicy and ridiculously expensive, something clean like Babylotion and that smell of fresh skin that's been in the sun. Ted's breathing in that smell, kissing Barney back - no tongue, but sexy and lingering on his bottom lip - and Barney is leaning right down, not quite sitting on the back seat with Ted yet, firmly running his hand up Ted's thigh towards his crotch. Oh crap. Ted can already feel himself getting hard. He draws back.

"Hey. You look great. Really great. I got us champagne. I thought... y'know. It's kind of a date. I guess"

"It's definitely a date." Barney is so self assured. Like he goes on dates with dudes all the time. Oh God. Does he do on dates with dudes all the time? Ted doesn't want to think about that, so he pours them both a glass of champagne.

"So... do you want to know where we're going?" Barney turns himself toward Ted, one hand back on the thigh, other sipping the drink.

"I do."

Ted tells him and Barney is full of that childish excitement he usually reserves for lasertag and talking about boobs. They arrive and it's perfect, lots of blond wood and chrome and leather booths and man, the beer is good. Food too. At first, they're both terrified to touch each other. They're not really comfortable with what they're doing when they're alone, never mind when there are other people to see. But by the time they're halfway through the first course, beer has had the affect it tends to. They're sitting closer together. Barney has his hand back on Ted's thigh under the table. There's a type of eye contact that they don't normally have. They finish eating and Barney leans over, snaking an arm round Ted's shoulders and kissing along his jawline. Ted is torn between panic and arousal. But the beer is numbing the panic and he gently turns Barney's head toward him until they're kissing. They're still doing it when their waitress arrives to see if they want dessert. She coughs politely and Ted squirms at being seen. They don't get dessert, but they do get shots of limoncello, which is thick, sweet, ice cold and really, really alcoholic. They pay and on the way out, Ted tells Barney they're going to a whiskey bar next. Barney slips his arm around Ted's waist and it feels (and looks, Ted knows) nothing like the times Barney's thrown a bro-like arms over him. They walk out like that.

Halfway to the bar, they stop. Ted presses Barney up against the wall inside the grand stone doorway of a building, hands either side of the blonde's hair, flat against the bricks. Their hips are together and they're both hard and needy for each other. Ted leans away for a second and very slowly traces his fingers down Barney's dick, which is pushing hard against the front of his pants. Barney strokes Ted right back and for a few seconds they lose themselves, kissing deeply and urgently, breathing heavily. They stop and, after a few moments of not touching or looking or thinking, they're ok to carry on walking. They hold hands and talk, and apart from their intertwined fingers it's pretty much the same as always, expect for the fact that Ted can still smell and taste Barney all over him and Barney will actually get to do the things he's imagining to Ted later.

The whiskey bar is awesome. More leather, dark wood and brass. Soft lighting and really a lot of different whiskeys. They take a booth, and this time there's no ease in. They're making out before their drinks even arrive, but break off to test the booze.

"Hey, Barney?" Ted is bold because of all the drinking.

"Yeah?"

"I really like this. I like you. I mean, this is still so weird, but... I want us to keep doing this. More."

Barney grins. It's not the studied, sexy look he's been giving Ted all night, it's genuine pleasure. "Me too. I like this a lot."

"It can be secret for now though right? I mean, I need to deal with what's happening before I can tell anyone. I know I want it, but I have to figure this out. I can't explain it to myself yet, never mind someone else."

"Ted, it's ok. I'm not ready to Frenching you over brunch with the guys, calling you pet names and planning a trip to-” he pauses to make a dramatic gagging sound “-Canada so we can have our union legally recognised. I want to keep this quiet as much as you do. Relax, alright?”

Ted doesn't answer immediately, he's gripped by two completely conflicting feelings of panic; one that eventually he and Barney will reach that stage and one that they won’t. He’s also torn over the way Barney can joke about it all so casually; is it because he means it or because he doesn’t? Usually Ted sees right through Barney’s bullshit. He knows when Barney’s lying or fantasisng, making believe like if he does it hard enough he’ll convince himself as well as everyone else. Ted only sees the vulnerable, needy mess of insecurity and abandonment issues trying desperately to fill the emotional void inside him. Now though, he’s not sure. Barney seems so confident about the two of them, guiding them both through it and reassuring Ted like he has any idea where they’re going with this; what ‘this’ even is. It could be real, it could be bravado. For once, Ted really doesn’t know.

He's a bit quiet after that. Enjoying Barney's attention and kisses, but slightly subdued. He's like it until their ride home pulls up outside his building and they get out. He's about to head up the steps when Barney gets out of the car too, grabs his wrist and pulls him close. Barney holds him really gently and Ted lets him, curling into it and nuzzling into Barney's shoulder.

"Ted," Barney says quietly. "It's fine to be scared. But make sure you talk to me. I know this is… honestly I don’t have any idea what this is. But I know I’m terrified. And I can see you are. And whatever this is, whatever we’re doing, whatever comes next, I don’t want being scared to ruin it. So just make sure we talk, ok?”

Ted nods, floored. “You’re so much better at this than me. That might be the weirdest thing about all of this”

Barney smiles, but still looks a little sad. “Just because you’ve never seen me care about someone, doesn’t mean I didn’t want that”

Ted can’t speak. He feels completely undone. Sensing it, because apparently he’s some kind of psychic, bros-turned-gay-relationship whisperer now, Barney takes Ted’s hands and firmly squeezes them, then leans in really close but doesn’t kiss him.

“This was a great first date Ted” and then he does kiss him, and it’s so gentle; just his lips pressed open and soft against Ted’s, no heat or urgency. The kind of kiss that doesn’t have anything behind it other than needing closeness.

“It was the best” Ted agrees, throat arid and his voice gravelly. “So, I’m gonna go home. I’d come up, but I think Marshall and Lily would have questions” Ted nods. Barney kisses him again, a little heat and tongue this time, arms tight around his waist. “It’s fine if you say no, but you can come back with me if you like”

Ted’s smile is involuntary. “Get in the car” he says steering Barney towards it, hand firm against the warm small of his back. They get in and close the door and Ted has to tell himself over and over and over that he absolutely cannot say 'I love you'.


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extremely short, but it's at a natural break point...
> 
> Some spying, some angsting and not much else. As with all other chapters, nobody has read this. Please feel free to point out any mistakes. I definitely won't take them to heart and feel an intense stab of shame every time I think about it.

What neither Barney nor Ted see is that their souls-bared utterly private moment is actually observed in its entirety. Robin hadn’t meant to. She’d been on her way back from an emergency trip to the liquor store because she and Marshall and Lily have somehow worked their way through all the wine and she lost all three rounds of rock, paper, scissors. She’d been almost home when the cab had rolled up and Ted got out, Barney right behind him. She’d ducked behind the steps of the neighbouring apartment building; not to spy on them, because she didn’t really think there’d be anything to spy on. She’d just done it because Barney doesn’t know she knows and the fact Ted told her would only make her walking up on them more awkwardly complicated. 

She may not have intended to spy, but when she sees the way Barney pulls Ted in and the way Ted yields – the way they’re holding each other, heads close and faces intense – she knows this isn’t just curiosity or experimentation or desperation for either of them and she can’t help watching. She hears some of what Barney says and the earnest tone of his voice and his body language; she’s never seen Barney look anything like this. There’s actually no need to hear his words, just looking at him is enough to know he’s completely giving himself to Ted. He’s tender and sweet and although he’s nervous, he’s sure of himself. He doesn’t hesitate any time he goes to touch Ted, kiss him, draw him in. Knowing there was something between them was one thing, seeing it is different. 

After the boys get back in the cab and drive off, Robin goes back upstairs where Marshall and Lily are waiting for wine to arrive.

“Thanks”, says Lily, taking the alcohol and pouring it in a single movement. “You ok Robin? You look… not ok”  
“Yeah, no, I’m fine”  
“Sure?”  
“Yeah, no, I’m great”  
“It’s just you keep saying ‘yeah, no’…”  
“Yeah. No. Stop Lil, I’m fine. Honestly”  
Lily gives her an appraising, suspicious look but she passes over a glass of wine and drops the questioning.

Honestly, Robin isn’t sure why she feels so weird. She doesn’t want either of the boys. It’s just that there’s something about seeing them so completely into each other that makes her feel… sad. And lonely. It’s Barney, she realises, not Ted that gets to her. Because he’s utterly committed to Ted; it shines out of him. He’s giving himself to Ted. He loves him. Which means Barney wasn’t really too broken to love anyone, he just couldn’t love her.

Robin closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to physically shake off her mood. She sits on the couch next to Lily and lifts her wine, deciding that drinking until she feels better will be worth the hangover.

She wakes up in Ted’s bed in the morning and she feels a jolt of panic, but of course the other side of the bed is cold and empty and she remembers that she’s only here because Ted is in Barney’s bed. Robin, Marshall and Lily are all hungover and they’re quietly eating recovery pancakes and bacon that Lily has made when Ted walks back in. Robin forces herself to make eye contact and smile. Marshall grins in that 'share the details bro' way.

"So how'd the date go?"   
"It was awesome" Ted smiles involuntarily  
"Was she hot?"  
"It was probably the hottest date I've ever had"   
“You stayed over…”  
“Uh-huh” Ted’s smug smile negates Marshall needing to ask the obvious question.  
"Oh man! So you're seeing her again?"  
"We'll definitely see each other again" Avoiding pronouns isn’t technically lying, Robin supposes.   
“You really like her?”  
“I… I’m definitely into it”  
"Ok, well just don't go all full-Ted, alright buddy? Give it a few weeks before you decide she's the one this time"  
"Don't worry, I'm taking this slow. It's all kinda... new"  
Marshall bumps him on the arm. "Well I'm pleased you like her." 

After breakfast Lily and Marshall go back to bed. Robin sits at the table with Ted and there’s an awkward lull in conversation, which Robin breaks:

“So you had a good night?”   
“Yeah! It was… it was really special, actually” Ted looks a bit uncomfortable  
“Nice pronoun avoidance. Gotta say, I’m kinda interested to see how long you can keep that up”  
Ted flushes and looks annoyed “What else am I supposed to do? I’m not ready to tell him the truth. Jeez, Robin, I still don’t know what the truth is”  
Robin feels a little bad. She’d wanted to make Ted uncomfortable but now she has, she feels petty and mean. She reaches over and gives his hand a squeeze.  
“Sorry. It’s too soon to mess with you. You ok?”  
“Yeah. I think. Actually, thinking is the problem. When I’m with –“ he breaks off, still obviously deeply uncomfortable talking about this directly “-when we’re, uh, together, it’s fine. It’s not just fine, it’s… it’s amazing. But thinking about it… what this means, what I am, what we are; I just can’t. It makes me want to stop and… and never see him again. I don’t want to want this”  
This is a lot of honestly and a pretty deep conversation to have over a hangover breakfast. With a guy you used to date. Robin is quiet for a while, trying to work out what Ted would want to hear.  
“Ted, I have to tell you something” He looks up and makes eye contact, wary. “Last night, I, uh, I saw you two. Not on purpose, but I did. The way Barney was holding you, looking at you… it was love, Ted. So honestly, I don’t think it has to be complicated. It’s love, and either you feel it too, or you don’t. I think you do, and I think you shouldn’t let some perception of what you thought you wanted – what you thought love had to be – ruin something that’s right there and real and wonderful”  
It’s Ted’s turn to be quiet.  
“Thank you” he says softly. “I think I do too”  
“C’mere” says Robin, and pulls him into a hug. He rests his head on her shoulder and she strokes gentle and soothing on his back.  
“You’re gonna be ok. This might be your chance to have everything you’ve ever wanted. Don’t try to convince yourself it’s not”

They talk for a little longer, before Ted says he’s going to go back to bed. Robin tries not to think too hard about exactly why he’s so tired and makes herself another coffee. She knows she’s done the right thing, and she’s ashamed of the part of her that wants Ted to run away from this.


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney's POV. This is super short, but it's another natural point to break off... If you like ever-so-slightly sad Barney, this is for you. Unless it's horribly written. It might be, I honestly have no idea.

Across town in his coldly expensive apartment, Barney is replaying the night and the morning with Ted, the night in the pool, and every moment, every conversation, every nuance of their relationship that led to this point. He wants to be happy, but he wishes it wasn’t too early to pour a whiskey and can’t stop thinking about how much and how obviously Ted is struggling with this. Of course, Ted has had less time to adjust than Barney. Way less time.

The first time Barney saw Ted, an hour before they met at the urinal in McLarens, he felt the sharp tug of longing in his gut. Instantly, he wanted to shove Ted against the wall, kiss him hard, pin him there, kiss him harder, work his way inside Ted's clothes, get him hard, drag him into the bathroom and into a stall, tear down his pants and fuck him, pull at his hair - actually, not so much the hair. Ted wears a lot of gel. But he wanted to do the rest. Which was why he engineered their meeting in the bathroom; why he forced his way into Ted's life whether he wanted it or not.

Barney had been in love with Ted for as long as he can remember. Maybe since the very first time he saw him across the bar. He'd been with guys before, but like all Barney's conquests they were just a way to stop him feeling anything. Ted had the opposite affect. There had been so many times Barney physically ached to just see him. So many times Ted had crushed Barney's heart without ever knowing it. He'd fucked so many people - women and men - just to try and not think about Ted for a few hours. It never worked for any longer than the time it took to clean up and reclaim the solitude of his apartment. Barney had lost count of the times he'd held his breath and swallowed tight and hard, eyes and throat aching and burning, because he absolutely couldn’t fucking cry over Ted. Except for the times he was drunk and unhappy and alone enough to give in to just a few seconds of quiet, helpless tears. He'd got so used to feeling hollow and lost and so fucking lonely that he almost didn't notice it any more. Almost. 

He’d have given up hope altogether and forced himself to somehow move on. Try and find someone who wasn’t Ted, but made him happy enough. Except… There was something that stopped him. Ted always did just enough to make Barney think there was a chance this was mutual, but never so much that he couldn’t plausibly insist this was entirely in Barney’s head. 

There was that night on Ted's couch, when he'd feigned sleep, just sensing that something could happen. He could barely stop himself trembling when he felt Ted spoon round him, snaking an arm protectively over Barney's chest and burying his face in his hair. He could also feel Ted's erection pressing insistently between them. He'd been deeply relieved he was facing away from Ted, able to keep his own arousal a secret. Then there was the wrestling. He'd seen the sudden look of awful realisation on Ted's face and shifting a little further down Ted's body assured him he wasn't imagining anything. The thing that had finally convinced Barney he had to at least try had been a subtle, quiet exchange. Ted, of course, had been horribly drunk. Drunk enough that Barney thinks he might genuinely not remember. Conversation had strayed into familiar beer-soaked territory of what good friends they were, how much they loved each other as bros. Ted paused, pulling out of a back-slapping, manly, no-homoerotic-overtones-strictly-hetrosexual-friendship-only bro hug. He stopped, one hand on Barney’s shoulder, bodies still close together, and the hand moved up to Barney’s cheek.  
“I really do love you, you know?” he said  
“Me too Ted”  
“I mean, really love you”  
“ok”  
“Barney, I wish things were… easier”  
“What things?”  
Ted stopped talking and moved his hand from Barney’s face, aware now. Self-conscious even through the alcohol.  
“I dunno. Nothing. I’m gonna get more shots. You want shots Barney?”  
“Sure”  
Ted may have stopped, but Barney was more convinced than he’d ever been that this wasn’t in his head and he’d decided that he had to know. Whatever the answer was, having it was better than exhausting, no-end-date limbo.

So he’d tried, and Jesus fucking Christ, it had worked and now they were here. Wherever the fuck here was. 

Barney had thought the second he had Ted, everything would be perfect. No more questions or worrying. No more staring into the dark on his own. No more loneliness and insecurity. No more always feeling like he might fall apart. 

He wants to laugh, because it’s almost funny how absolutely wrong he was.


End file.
